While rummaging through some papers as I was contemplating how to complete our theme on CHANGE, I came across some of my insights I’ve shared on Blog Talk radio. I feel this insight to be most appropriate for assisting us with our ever evolving, changing lives.
On Blog Talk radio I talk a lot about asking the Right Question.
What is the right question?
The right question is a question that opens us to the right answer.
What is the right answer?
It’s an answer that steers us in the right direction, a direction that allows for growth and for forward movement.
An answer that sheds light, (think flashlight in hand on a pitch-black night) so we may find our way, so we may stay on path.
The Right Answer is an answer that serves our overall well being.
So what does asking the right question and opening to the right answer have to do with change?
With change comes uncertainty, with uncertainty fear can creep in, or knock us over, if we have our focus in the wrong place.
When we are focused on the what- ifs of the unknown we can get ourselves caught in a whirlwind of emotion, which may lead to a cycle of fear based questions: How will it all work out? How will I know what to do or will I know what to do, and what if I don’t know what to do? What problems will I encounter? How am I going to handle this? What may go wrong? And on and on…
These types of questions keep us mired in a conflict of emotions.
Since change is a constant we can count on and it excludes no one, we may as well move forward (change) with fresh hope.
To build on our hope, we will want to choose what we put our attention on. By asking the right question we are choosing to put our focus on what state of mind we wish to have.
Our focus will determine our state of mind and our state of mind will determine how we feel about the change.
I don’t want to add more EMOTION to my already uncertain situation so… the question I ask during any kind of change is: “How can I peacefully move through this, or process through this, or accept this, or adapt to this?” Your question may be different, such as: How can I joyfully adjust?”
When I switch my focus from my fears to my desired state of mind, I open myself to a new line of thinking, sounding more like this:
Okay, if I’m moving peacefully through this… I would remind myself to take it one step at a time, I would focus on what I can do in this present moment, I would visualize my desired outcome, or visualize myself in an acceptance state, I would pray for guidance, and I would breathe deeply envisioning Peace flowing through my mind and body.
By directing my attention on Peace (or whatever desired state of mind you are seeking) I become more peaceful. Yes, it’s true, I still may have some fears but my main focus isn’t on my fears, it’s on creating a desired state of mind. Therefore, even in the face of fear, Peace will be my strongest sense of being or my emotional state.
Let’s take a look at some situations of change and how we may ask the right question:
Situation: You have a new boss and he/she is nit-picky. A possible right question: “How can I maintain my sense of harmony while at work or with my new boss?”
This question will open the way for you to have the state of mind you are wanting while at the same time probe your mind to explore ways to bring harmony to your situation. You may not be able to choose your boss but you can choose your state of mind.
Situation: Your child, now a young adult, is leaving for college and you are worried about her going out into the world alone.
A possible right question: How can I develop a trusting mind?
This question will open your mind to want to search and come up with ideas to build on your trust. As you build on your trust you assist both you and your daughter. You feel relief and your daughter feels your trust of her.
Situation: Your partner losses his/her job.
A possible question: How can I keep a positive outlook?
This question will have you looking for ways to stay supportive while helping you to not lose hope. Your partner will feel your belief in him/her.
By asking the right question we open ourselves to the right answer, an answer that switches our focus off of our fears and onto our desired state of mind.
Yes, we will always have changes that we have no control over: The loss of a loved one, growing old, our pet dying, our children leaving the nest, just to name a few. However, we do have control over how we choose to adapt to our changes.
So let’s choose to get our fears under control ( Post – Get Fear under Control), Surrender into our LOVE ( Post -Surrender into love), Take the action that supports our change ( Post – Action that supports change), and ask the right question so we may receive the right answer and choose our state of mind.